After Randy’s death, I told myself, “One day it will be a year from now”, then “Someday it will be 2, 3, 10 years from now”. Now it’s 32 years since Randy’s death.
I had a dream soon after Randy’s death. In the dream, Randy said “I have 5 things to tell you. Number one, I am very far away from you and it’s hard for me to get back to talk to you anymore. Number two, your aura is red which is very, very good, and mine is purple now.”
I never followed the “aura” thing, but knew a friend who did. I asked what the colors meant. She inquired as to why I was asking; I told the dream to her.
She explained, “What he is telling you is that he is moving further away in the spiritual plane; represented by purple. He won’t be able to come back anymore.
Your aura being red means that you have work to do here, and you need to keep on doing what you are doing.”
I never knew what the other three things he wanted to tell me might have been.
Maybe dreams mean something. Maybe they don’t. I have a feeling, a hope, that there is something after we die. Is it Reincarnation, or an alternate universe?
Am I avoiding the truth of death? Trying to mask the sorrow of losing someone?
“These things happen for a reason.” I still recall those words from the nurse when Randy died.
AIDS Activism opened my eyes to many things. It introduced me to an amazing bunch of people from around the world who cared about something so strongly. They inspired me and still do.
I am grateful for the things I learned, the people I met, and the honor to join in the fight against AIDS.
Out of all this, the AIDS activist project came to be. Maybe this is the work that Randy said I still had to do I feel I’ve accomplished something meaningful in my life. It somehow justifies my existence here. It made some sense out of Randy’s death.
Maybe things do happen for a reason.